You don’t deserve him!

Sue beach There is nothing like infidelity to play havoc with our insecurities and sense of self-worth. Our knee jerk response to the bitter pill of betrayal is that we are going to throw him out, reject him and stand tall in our righteous indignation. Hot on the heels of that is our fear of being alone and the bigger fear that he has found someone better.

“How could you have done this to me after everything I’ve done for you?”

That has to be the universal wail of a wounded woman. It is of course a question to which there is no answer. It is also the question that signals our defeat. The moment we ask the question instead of head for the door is the moment we’ve elected to stay.

Why is infidelity not the deal breaker we believed it would be? Most wounded women fear that the next woman will get him at his best. The next woman stands to benefit from all the suffering we have endured. The next woman is the one who will have the fun, the laughter and the love. We won’t make space for her, we won’t step aside and we won’t step out because everything we believe she’s going to get is just beyond our reach. This reminds me of Shirley Eskapa’s book, Woman Versus Woman where she did a study on women whose husband’s had affairs. In every case, the women immediately competed with each other, and never stopped to think if the man was worth fighting over.

The wounded woman believes that she deserves better, worked for it, strived for it, waited for it and now wants it. The co-dependent will readily return to the work station preparing to double her efforts to prove her worthiness. Despite her best efforts the beast will remain the beast. The wounded woman will continue to feel short-changed and under appreciated and the Universe will continue to fail to deliver him up.


“Thankfully the law of the Universe remains intact. We get what we deserve and a good woman does not deserve an abusive man. Fortunately she won’t be allowed to have him.

Author, foodie, political junkie and currrently writing a series for children, giving bible stories a much needed makeover, free from religious dogma. Author of Hot Cuisine, a book written on men and food and co-wrote When Loving Him Hurts and The Affair.

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Posted in abuse, codependency, domestic violence, healing, love, obsession, relationships, Uncategorized

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