I hate tinsel

Every-test-in-our-lives  During the season of peace and goodwill we ask all women to let go of any bitterness that you may have accumulated during painful and destructive relationship. Bitterness imprisons you in your hurt and anger and the time has come to look at it, see it fails to serve you well and release it before your fresh beginning.

“I hate tinsel. It’s everything that makes me sick and tired of living. It’s gaudy and cheap. The blue is too blue and the green too green and the red in positively obscene. It breaks and makes a mess of the floor and defies attempts to be swept away. It’s cheap and defiant!! It reminds me of the bitch he left me for – cheap and defiant and yet no matter how obviously disgusting it is, it has survived for probably centuries. It must have because my gran had tinsel on her tree. Yes, it has withstood the test of time despite being disgusting! I resent every cent I spend on Christmas presents. Do you know there is no evidence to suggest that Jesus Christ was born on the 25th December? I wonder whose idea this was. Then there are mince pies – not decent savoury mince pies but some horrible raison filled sweet thing that makes me gag when I try to swallow it. I have cancelled Christmas this year due to a lack of interest and the notion that my money is better spent on the sales that will come afterwards”.

Bitterness is ugly and it’s a choice not a consequence.

Bitterness is a loss of your centre. It is the belief that life is no good, it has no meaning and above all it is absurd. Ernest Hemingway suffered from exactly this affliction and in one short story he changed the praise in Ave Maria to a litany of his hopelessness – “Hail Nothing, full of Nothing, Nothing is with thee”. Bitterness is a type of hell on earth. In Dante’s Inferno these words are cut into the Gates of Hell – “ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE”. Hope is not a gift from life. You need to find it, track it down and claim it as your own.

Victor Fankl whose whole family was killed in a concentration camp talked of hope and meaning as the sustenance for life and with all due respect a loss of hope would have been a justifiable response to his life circumstances.

Christmas may or may not form part of your belief system. Silent Night may or may not be a part of what has snuggled into the recesses of your soul. Christmas may be the unlikely story of a virgin mother with a baby in a barn or a deeply holy time of the year. It makes no difference if you are afflicted by bitterness and no matter what day or time of the year every one of us has the opportunity to seek out the hope and faith that gives meaning to our lives. It makes no difference what you have faith in – just that you have it.

We can find hope anywhere if we are looking. Go into nature and see that there is beauty and order everywhere you look. Give abundantly and you will feel grateful that you have to give. Listen to the laughter of children and see how you cannot help but smile. End your year with your centre in place and hope for all the wonderful opportunities that may find you or you them.




I was married to not one abuser, not two, but three. I fled from South Africa and from an extremely violent and traumatic marriage to a very well-known Johannesburg personality and resolved to learn a lesson and be more careful next time. In America I met a man who, on the surface, was everything that my second husband was not. Until I owned her own contribution to the dance of abuse I was destined to repeat the pattern. My story exists as proof of this. I am driven to help abused women as I know all too well what it feels like to be misunderstood and ashamed of my inability to let go of a relationship that was killing me. “It’s like wanting to hug a shark – why on earth would anyone do that?” I understand because I have been there, emerged damaged and broken from there and then – heaven forbid – went back! I know what it feels like to yearn for the love of a man who pulled out your hair, spat in your face and tried to choke you. I know what it feels like to tell people you are back there and watch their faces and see them thinking, “then you deserve what you get!” By telling my story, I hope to lift the veil of shame off abuse and encourage women to do the same. Un-silencing the voice is where true healing begins.

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Posted in abuse, codependency, domestic violence, gratitude, healing, relationships
One comment on “I hate tinsel
  1. Happy Winter Solstice 🙂


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